Are we at the right place?

There are times when I asked myself, “What am I doing here?” I guess many of us had gone through this (assuming)- Tak tahu kenapalah kita mesti berada di sini – when being elsewhere is better.

Well, that is what I am going through now. And sitting here, in this room without tv nor radio neither is there internet connection (the broadband is just an added weight to the ‘already’ heavy load I’m carrying), I am trying really hard to figure out why do I end up here. I am not a team member, nor working in ‘that’ department, has very little knowledge of matters I am responsible to and I am not enjoying any of the ‘happening’ events here. I DON’T belong here. I should be somewhere else contributing “sincerely” mind, heart, body and soul to other people and matters that really matter! ( jUST FOR info i had to type this standing in the balcony while balancing the laptop after moving here and there looking for signal - the broadband did help !)

Yet, here I am, feeling depressed, miserable and most of all I am TERRIBLY lonely! Some of the things that I thought as just my ‘wants’ now become ‘needs’! It is a life necessity for me to live! Being with the crowd drained me of energy, I cant focus and the surroundings reminded of something I’ve been deprived of for quite some times now.

Mungkin susah juga bila sendiri percaya bahawa kita harus cuba menolong orang semampu yang terdaya kerana selagi kita diperlukan, itu adalah nikmat dan anugerah kerana bila tiba ketika kita tidak diperlukan maka itu adalah ujian dan musibah yang amat menyedihkan. Mungkin juga pengalaman hidup, membuat seseorang berfikiran begini. Ya memang sedih, bila kita tak diperlukan lagi kan…. Itu pengalaman sendiri! Tapi dalam suasana ini, I suddenly realized that .Yes, I am needed here, but I don’t want to be here… so, here goes the ‘need’ and the ‘want’ again! What you need is not necessarily my need and what I want is not necessarily your want. Then, compromise is the keyword! Compromising does not mean one take advantage of another or taking people for granted.

But I don’t feel that people are taking advantage of me. Nobody can force me to do what I refuse to do. But how do I force myself not to be so obliging and easily succumb to persuasion….. Now, suddenly, I realized that many times I turned down invitation and friends who meant well…. (not gonna say) when I shouldn’t. Am I being selfish now, when suddenly I realized if only I have accepted……
Aaaaah, it was just not meant to be! Kerana diakhirnya diri ini tetap percaya, apa saja yang telah ditakdirkan untuk mu akan mengenaimu dan apa yang tidak ditakdirkan, sama sekali tidak akan menimpamu. Oh... I really,desperately need Divine Intervension here!

JUST LIKE THESE LINES I READ IN MY EMAIL….

Smooth roads never make good drivers
Smooth sea never makes good sailors
Clear Skies never makes good Pilots .

Problem and hassle free Life NEVER makes a strong person
Be Strong enough to accept the challenges of Life
Don't ask Life , 'Why Me ? .
Instead say 'try Me!' Try QIRAATI