If you think you are my friend

Wow! I was reading some of my own entry and discovered so many grammar mistakes but then who cares! If you feel like highlighting my grammar mistakes you are welcome to do so… It is the idea that is really important…anyway I would love to write flawlessly if I have the time to sit and edit before I publish anything … just to lazy to do that! So, I just write, type what ever on my mind and publish. And I am going to make mistake again. Yeah, I know the saying…. Only fools make mistakes more than twice, but I am sure it was meant for other “mistakes”, hopefully! Okay….. I am a fool, I admit for many other reasons not just this.

One of the many reasons would be misjudging people. We meet people everyday. If you don’t go out, you’ll see them on tv, in the newspapers, from your window, or hear them on the radio, etc. And we discover new things everyday, big or small. Maybe just a new pimple on your nose, or a ‘tahi cicak’ on the floor. That’s life. And there are familiar people whom you’ll meet on regular basis, you colleagues, customers, family members, etc. They came in all shape, size and colour, personality, ideas, vision, etc. (Now I noticed the frequency of ‘etc’. maybe blab la bla is more fun!

And sometimes some people whom you feel are close to you show different sides of themselves! New behaviour, new attitude, new image or reveal somewhat totally new response or reaction towards something. Situation and circumstances can unfold many things and disclose new information, behaviour or action… is that your true colour? Then, what would be your first reaction if you stumble upon this scenario? Someone you ‘thought’ you knew, is not all that or just that! There’s hidden attributes which suddenly emerged in certain condition ….. and it wasn’t something appealing or agreeable to your beliefs and principles?

Of course nobody is perfect. I am not perfect nor are you. But we stick to certain rules, right? The do and the don’t (s), which are applicable to most human beings. That is also not a reason to hate someone or break friendship, but it builds gap, naturally…. And sometimes it hurts, to discover something you wish you never knew…(makes your life easier not knowing). And then, you also discover all the lies, you believed as the truth, slowly and painfully, killing your trust to that person. What went wrong here? The only thing I could think of is, my own foolishness! I can easily swallow everything, believing that someone who says that I am his/her friend would not lie to me.

Oh I do forgive unconditionally but… (a sign of insincerity..on my part, I am only human), I wonder why? Why lie? Not once, not twice but all the time. Are you saying the truth when you say I am your friend? How come there are so many version of you, from different people I met who said you told them so! And of course many things you told me contradict one another, I just want to believe it was my hearing problem! Because I thought you are my friend too! But why? Am I that bad that I don’t deserve to be treated with honesty and sincerity? Maybe I am. Don’t feel like continuing…. Need to do some reflection because you are not the only one whom I felt betrayed me… maybe it is my fault after all. Taaa…..